para miwent to the studio last night...been avoiding it all week. too much studying to do, i'm already behind. wait, already? i've been behind from the beginning of the term. so maybe if i just hold off on making anything i can get to a place of feeling a little bit better about classes...and then get to work...other work. wait. a handful of little (and a few not-so-little) commissions are waiting...all need to get done before christmas. i need that money to....well...to at least tread water a bit longer. but there's no time to sit with any ideas...just gotta paint and hope that inspiration will find me. God, where did inspiration go?
so i bought another canvas last night...for me. a big one. that's right, it's going to hang in
my room. and i painted again...hoping the masses hanging out in the building next door weren't paying attention to the light in my window, shades slantly drawn.
been so hard lately to get alone. alone with work. alone with God. alone with myself. sometimes it feels as though
everyone is watching, all the time. probably not true, but it can feel that way.
no wonder so many artists become hermits.