just rambling
para mi
went to the studio last night...been avoiding it all week. too much studying to do, i'm already behind. wait, already? i've been behind from the beginning of the term. so maybe if i just hold off on making anything i can get to a place of feeling a little bit better about classes...and then get to work...other work. wait. a handful of little (and a few not-so-little) commissions are waiting...all need to get done before christmas. i need that money to....well...to at least tread water a bit longer. but there's no time to sit with any ideas...just gotta paint and hope that inspiration will find me. God, where did inspiration go?
so i bought another canvas last night...for me. a big one. that's right, it's going to hang in my room. and i painted again...hoping the masses hanging out in the building next door weren't paying attention to the light in my window, shades slantly drawn.
been so hard lately to get alone. alone with work. alone with God. alone with myself. sometimes it feels as though everyone is watching, all the time. probably not true, but it can feel that way.
no wonder so many artists become hermits.
posted by JLG at 3:58 PM
2 Comments:
hey jen, ah yes the hermitage issue... I think both the solitude and the often akward public entry are both necessary aspects to grow as artists. I imagine you agree, but i thought interesting to think about. There seems to me this purity that exists in the solitude of ones work yet our work needs the often excruciating community aspect. Once a painting is hung in a gallery or a song is sung in public there is that painful exchange of how it will be experienced by the other. A positive public perception does not (or should not) validate or negate an artist's work but it does create an anxiety that is necessary for growth and the experiential aspect of creative life. hmmm what do you think?
deeble, such good words. it feels constantly a painful process to move into a place of solitude (and i like how you said purity in solitude), only to return to a different place entirely where things get marred and open to both public love and hate.
maybe because i'm young in stepping into my identity as an artist (finally my theologies and philosophies are hitting the ground and taking on particulars)...that at times it feels more vulnerable than others to move in and out of moments of solitude and in and out of the public eye. but both are indeed needed and both are valuable. it's so good to have others alongside who know these rhythms well. that's something that i'm not sure we're ever told to prepare for.
i suppose one becomes more in tune with the rhythms that are essential to living creatively, to living at all, as one experiences them. i think i'm stumbling over some of those right now, re-learning for this phase of life what that sounds like.
now i'm also working through detachment issues. counselors, any wisdom? it is difficult to let go of a piece knowing that what once was so rich, deep, and from a place i don't quite understand will at times be valued just because the colors complement the living room couch. though our work is dead if it does not come out to bring life to others, to tug on minds and hearts, and share what we heard or saw in the quiet. and maybe all that will be expressed in complimentary colors. and maybe that's not so bad sometimes. [heh, maybe it's like laughing after an incredibly sad movie].
brian and robert, thanks for all of your thoughts...
Post a Comment
<< Home